Yeah, that’s right. Eat it. I don’t care that I’m not excited about taking a free yoga class at a school with a bunch of hard bodied super flexible rich sophomores that are “so totally psyched about their new RTVF class, it’s like, about hollywood scandals!”

Vom.

Alright, alright, so it’s pessimist day. Bite me. I don’t want to be peppy about getting my body and mind and soul aligned later today. I am way too content with the aligning of the pillows and the remote and the blankets that I did ALL WEEKEND LONG to get pumped about anything physical. Here’s the plus side to sleeping for an entire weekend: when you’re asleep, you can’t eat an entire bag of Dorito’s. And sleep does a body good, right? Right. Unless you take into account that my pursuit of healthiness was not carried out with three square meals and two rectangular snacks, a partridge and a pear tree this weekend. In fact, my vague New Year’s resolution took the form of cereal and steak and pickled okra, two birthday parties (one for a 15 year old, another for a 2 year old), and too many glasses of wine for a girl who is currently on pain meds. Nom, Nom, Nom.

Verbal mouthful.

Here’s a question for you: When did white cake become all the rage? Although I actually went to two birthdays this weekend, my mouth keeps going “wedding? wedding?” Other things my mouth has said this weekend are as follows: “chocolate cake? where’s the chocolate cake?” “No thanks, I’ll just keep eating this here pickled okra.” “Zack, try the oysters, I SWEAR they are actually good, I KNOW it shocked me too, DO IT.” and, of course “Yes. Would like more wine. Now.”

Here’s what Zack said to me, ooooooh, about 13 times this weekend: “Good morning.” On Saturday I was awake for a grand total of 6 hours. Not exaggerating. Sunday I did better, but just cause I had to go grocery shopping. Sunday morning is a 1billionkagilliontrillion times better a time to go to Walmart than Saturday afternoon. Lesson learned.

Here’s my commitment to you, blog reader extraordinaire: I will go to yoga this afternoon, even though I don’t want to. Heck, while I’m throwing around promises about things I don’t want to do: I also promise you that tomorrow, I will park in the correct parking lot, even though it is farther away and I don’t wanna.