First and foremost: over the weekend, I happened upon a friend’s unwanted stash of LifeSaver’s Wint-O-Green Happiness. Such a concept was previously unheard of to me. I can’t imagine, no matter the quantity, having so many little white circles of minty goodness that one would be willing to part with them. I grabbed, oh, maybe a metric ton, and I have 3 left? maybe 4? Good heavens alive, I love these things with all my heart. I wonder if the chalk in these things could double as TUMS?

So, as a result of the stabbing ear pain and the sinus infection that just won’t quit, I’m currently using 4 prescription meds, two of which are ear drops. On the bottles, it only says how often to use the drops, and how many drops to use. It does not have any (necessary and) practical instructions on how long I should keep my head awkwardly held to the side whilst I let these a-cursed drops soak into my infected ear!

DAYS after I got these dumb drops I finally webmd’ed ‘em and found out the answer is TWO MINUTES.

Two minutes. That’s how long I’m supposed to let these drops soak into the ears.Care to venture a guess as to how long I was letting them “soak,” a term that I use loosely cause they don’t actually do any soaking, what they actually do is make my neck hurt?

FOREVER. HOURS. DAYS. I have been walking around the office with my head cocked sideways, resting on my left shoulder for DAYS. I am an idiot. I am an Idiot with a capitol ‘I’ who deserved the brutal physical punishment and new-office-embarrassment that I endured because I WAS BORN INTO A TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED AGE. I know about Google. I deserve a public lashing.

Speaking of public lashings, I went to the damn yoga class. I don’t think that there’s anything that can check my ego as fast as hopping into a fast-paced yoga class (oxymoron, I know, but don’t tell me, tell Sara the levitating yoga instructor) with a bunch of 19 year olds. Holy moley. That instructor and the vast majority of that class could contort their bodies in ways that I thought were only appropriate in movies that were released around Halloween. Seriously, guys. I’m not that old, and I shouldn’t be this stiff. But there I was, hiding in the corner of the classroom with the least mirrors, hanging out with the person who was the closest to my age without going under (a 60? year old man) and angrily eyeballing the girl in the hot teal outfit (does not use the word ‘outfit’ lightly. believe you me. twas an ‘outfit’) and wishing upon her that within four years of graduating college, that she be as stiff and hamstring impaired as I am.All that aside, I guess it accomplished my goal, which, in the end is simply to raise my heart rate for at least 30 minutes a day. Also, it gave me stories to tell Zack when he got home from work, and it allowed me to see an alternative profession for Circus Freaks besides, well, being a Circus Freak: Yoga Instructor.

And I DID park in the far-far-away parking lot today. I had no idea that the key to self-motivation is as simple as blog proclamations.