At 11:30 this morning I was starving and facing death and implosion if I didn’t eat some food stat-pronto.

Now, it’s 2:06 and my hunger has been arm wrestled into submission by my foolishly nutritious decision this morning to use Zack’s crappy wheat bread filled with nuts and oats and whole grains, instead of my precious, precious white bread that leaves cool teeth marks whenever I take a bite. I do not want your heart-helping goodness. I want a sandwich suited for 4 year olds, and I want it in TRIANGLES.

Every time I think I’m hungry again, all I have to do is look down at my whole wheat healthiness and poof. I never want to eat again. I have an overwhelming feeling today that I’ve failed Mrs. Bairds.