After a more than a year of two green-thumbs-up with all the plant life in my house, I’ve managed to kill most of my houseplants in one fell swoop.

A plant-care expert (Larry) mentioned to me that perhaps my beloved FairyChair (a peoperomia plant) could use some fertilizer, aka sunshine, and perhaps if I would quit leaving it in the basement/dungeon all of the time, chained up to that wall, only getting one plate of food a week, it might become a darker, more fabulous shade of green.

Not being one to take someone’s plant expertise for granted, when I got home that afternoon I high-tailed the FairyChair out to the front porch, where the light is brilliant and nutritious all the live-long-day. While I was at it, I also took Every Other Plant That I Own outside to the porch for some’a that sunshine.

And I left them out overnight. Cause it wasn’t supposed to freeze.

So, I have three plants left. My FairyChair and my jade shed all of their leaves. The small Ivy shriveled up and died. Half of the ears of my ElephantEar plant have gained an unsightly polka-dot pattern. I feel like a total failure. I just didn’t realize how attached I am, and what a sense of pride and accomplishment I derive from keeping those plants in the land of the living.

Luckily, I’m fully aware how to navigate the plant department at Home Depot. I think I can fix this tragedy.

In other, not related news: Dad called this morning to inform me of my dog’s real name: Jean Louise. It took me a while to figure out what he was talking about–having never read To Kill A Mockingbird. I didn’t know that Scout was just the main character’s nickname. Now I’m thrilled at the prospect of having a longer name for the dog. I can’t wait until she gets in trouble, so I can yell “JEAN LOUISE” in my most southern of accents at her. I am loving doggie-motherhood.