Zack and I are taking dog travel to a new level this weekend.

Zack is headed down to Camp Eagle for the annual Search Men’s Retreat. Search is a weekend full of all things manly. They shoot stuff, drink stuff, smoke cigars and make astonishingly thick steaks, all in the name of a weekend away. Zack couldn’t be more thrilled about heading south for the first time since we moved away. Since we’ve been gone they have discovered a bonafide cave entrance on Camp Eagle property, causing much anticipation from Zack regarding his next visit. SO EXCITED!!1!

I decided to hitch a ride with him halfway and hang out in Brownwood with KatyB for the weekend. Since this is the first time we’ve gone out of town since embarking into the brand new exciting world of dog ownership, I had to make a choice. Dogsitter? In-laws? Pay the kids across the street to house Scout for the weekend? All of those options became non-issues when I suddenly remembered that KatyB loves dogs! KatyB probably wouldn’t even let me in the house if I dared come without her! Carpet be damned!

So there you have it. Zack and I are going to pile into our vehicle for almost 3 hours with a canine in the backseat. Maybe not a big deal for some of you dog-owning veterans, but MAN. I’ve only ever had Cruz as a pet. First and foremost, you don’t ever take cats anywhere. Second and secondmost, I shamelessly stuff him in a cage whenever we are forced to take him places (READ: ALMOST NEVER, ONLY WHEN WE MOVE.) How does dog travel even work? How do I know which moan means “gonna vom” and which moan means “need personal attention” as opposed to the moan that means “goodbye good smelling upholstery!” I DON’T. DON’T KNOW AT ALL.

Here’s my attack plan, laid out item by item:
1) Not gonna feed the dog between the time I get home (14:00 hours) and the time we leave (15:30 hours), and continue with the not feeding until we arrive in Brownwood (17:15 hours?) which is around the time she would eat on a regular week day.
2) Leaving the damn squeaky cucumber at home.
3) Creating a bed for her in the back of the Xterra. Blankets cover a multitude of sins, which may or may not include doggie car vomit or doggie tinkle tinkle. I’ve never had a problem with either of these things before, but MAN. Gotta be prepared.
and finally, 4) SNUGGLES.

Think it’ll work?