My neck hurts today. I keep trying to pop it, straining my head as far as it will turn. I’m looking like hoot owl here at my desk, trying to look at my own C4 without the help of mirrors, hoping that one moderately painful ‘thud’ will heal me of all this soreness.

One thud isn’t going to take away this soreness, though. This is more than the usual “slept in the same awkward position all night” pain. This is the pain caused by trying to step up an invisible step at 6:15 on a Sunday morning, and the crash and burn that resulted from my inability to do simple tasks such as ‘climb stairs’ or ‘stay upright while walking.’

I’m not even sure how it happened. I was taking Scout outside because she wakes me up on the weekends when she needs to go outside. (Read: when I wake her up on the weekdays, because she’s a scheduled creature, and she likes it that way.) I got her some food, put out some water, and in the blinding brightness of the morning, totally missed the back porch stoop. I didn’t fall all the way down–I caught myself with my hands, but not before I strained my neck in a totally weird way that most of the 60 year olds I work with could relate to. I remember thinking, “OOF!” as I was falling, and I remember pulling at my neck while I was walking up the stairs, thinking, “That might be sore later. Why am I so old?” I thought I had escaped the soreness because it didn’t give me any problems for the rest of the day.

This morning is not the same story. This morning, I am 85 and my neck is even older and I wish I had a little grocery cart to push around my book bag instead of having to carry it. Icing on the cake is that I compulsively cleaned the medicine cabinet this morning while I was getting ready for work, and I saw our extra bottles of Ibuprofen. I thought to myself that I should grab one of those bottles and keep it at work. I didn’t grab one of the bottles. I am a fool. A fool with neck pain and no Ibuprofen.