I’m less than 24 hours away from my third microbiology exam.  This exam is cram packed full of information–more than even the last test, which I thought had set a world record for ‘information covered during one exam period.’

No matter, though, because all I can think about are Ninja Turtles.

The theme song for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has been stuck in my head for days now.  In bed at night, in the shower, washing dishes, and studying Microbiology, I’m always singing “Teeeenage Mutant Ninnnnja Turtles, Turtles in a half shell. Turtle Power.” Or was it Ninjas that were in the half shell?  I can’t remember, so I sing it both ways just for fun.

Then Eden Kennedy at Fussy.org, a.k.a. Lord of NaBloPoMo, posted this video (which I can’t get to embed, no matter how much magic dust I sprinkle):

The ceremonial opening of the balcony, weekend edition from Eden M. Kennedy on Vimeo.

HOW DID THESE CREATURES EVER GET IMAGINED TO BE NINJAS? That turtle has the agility of a book! of a ruler! of a FAKE TREE. I admit! I didn’t even watch the whole video! It was (no offense, and I don’t think she’ll take any, because I think this was the point) a little bit boring! Because turtles CAN NOT DO ANYTHING EVER.

So what did the cartoon people do? They said hey. We’re going to take this creature, this creature that can baaaaaarley move on its own, this creature that by its very nature, lives inside a box and never comes out, and we’re going to make it a superhero. In fact, despite the fact that turtles have legs that are about 1/12th as long as their bodies (humans: legs>half), and we’re going to make it a superhero that is highly trained in using those teeny little legs to do Ninjaesque Karate moves, never mind that their limbs are so short, they could barely even put up their dukes.  We’re not going to give them bazookas, or even guns. No, no. That would be too easy.  Instead let’s see if we can make that turtle do a ROUNDHOUSE.  Michelangelo would have probably been better of with some rope, at least that way he’d have some aid when it comes to his severely lacking armspan.

I just can’t even imagine how they sold all this in a board meeting.  I suppose it made a lot more sense to executives than it does to me, plus, they drew their arms and legs to be extra long.  Also, perhaps the executives had not seen this video of this poor turtle trying to get to the sunlight for some Weekend Baking.  In fact, I’m pretty sure they hadn’t, because The OG TMNT was, by and large, pre-internet. It worked though. They totally sold it to me, too.  I was all about TMNT when I was a little kid, before their cartoon name was so abruptly shortened to 4 letters.  And here I am, 15 years later, still singing the theme song while scrubbing my hair, wondering how it is EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE that I ever believed that the turtle, a creature generally unable to do, well, anything at all, was living in the sewers, directed by a giant rat, saving me from an evil, oversized garbage disposal.