A verbatim conversation:

Me: (answers phone) “This is Sarah, how can I help you?”
Student: “Yeah, um, I like, um, had a few family emergencies, um, before, um, Christmas break, and um, I um, didn’t get to, um.  I just, um.  Yeah, can I?… Um, I think I need to talk to my, um, counselor or something before I, um, sign up for classes on Friday.”
Me: “Okay.  You’ll need to talk to your department. What is your major?”
Student: “Communications.”
Me: “I’ll transfer you.”

OH THE IRONY.