“I’m not a disciplined person,” I said to Zack while we were sitting at lunch today.  “I seem like I’m a disciplined person, because I do things like graduate college in 3 years, but I’m not.  I’m really, really competitive, but I’m not disciplined.”

Zack nods.

“And it’s just that I have been slamming my life full of discipline lately.”  Staring at the wheat-bread sandwich in my hand, I continued, “I can’t eat what I want, I can’t do what I want, I have to work out all the time, I have to stay up later than I want to and I don’t like it.  And now, I’m going to have to infuse even MORE discipline in my life, because I have to start working on this Government class.  I just want to watch TV, is that really too much to ask?”

Zack thoughtfully says, “Welcome to adulthood.  When we were kids, we always thought, ‘Mom and Dad get to do whatever they want!’  But we were wrong.”

We were dead wrong.  Apparently adulthood (and especially parenthood) is not the free-wheeling fun time that it seemed to be when we were 13 years old (and usually, when we were grounded, everything seemed free-wheeling when we were grounded).  

I was just thinking the other day, I’d be so relieved if one thing in my life didn’t require maintenance.  Work and school and food and the house and the dog and the car–even friendships, family relationships and my relationship with Zack.  All these things require maintenance.  I realized that this whole P90X thing that we’re doing, all this working out and being concerned about our body, that’s maintenance, too.  I thought for so long that my body was just mine, just there, the one thing that I just had that didn’t require my constant, undivided attention, lest it fall into a state of decay.  Isn’t it enough that I have to worry about the flower beds and nursing school and the ironing?  Must I also worry whether or not my oblique muscles have been properly used in the past 2 days?

So there you have it.  Old & Boring, yes, but also, Responsible and Feigning Discipline.  Perhaps I will be able to see the adage come true in my life; fake it ’til you make it.