While I was at work today I received a call from the office staff of the middle school where our 5th graders are going to go next year.  She said, “Are you the office person?”  I was like, “Yeah!”  She goes, “Good.  Our Counselor wanted me to call you and ask you to please have the labels ready by Tuesday.”

At this point, I knew as much about “The Labels” as you do.  Absolutely nothing.  So I replied, “What labels?”
She said, “I don’t know.”
I said, “I’m in my first year at this job, so I’m not sure what labels you guys get from us.”
She said, “It’s my first year, too. I don’t know, either.”
So I told her, hey, no big deal, just tell your counselor that I’m not sure what she means, and have her give me a call.  She agreed and we hung up.  I assumed that she wanted labels with information about our 5th graders that will be at their school next year, but I had no clue as to what size label she wanted or what information she needed the labels to contain.  Or why she needed them by Tuesday.

Hours later, as I was on my way out the door for the day, the phone rang.  I saw on the caller ID that it was the counselor from the middle school, so I set down my bags and answered the phone.
She asked, “Is this the office person?”
I answered, “Yes, hi, thanks for calling me back.”
She continued, “I understand that you had a question about the labels.”
I said, “Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me more about what it is that you need.”

And I swear to God, this is what that woman said: “Well, it’s like paper, but it’s sticky on the back.  And you can attach it to things like folders or paper without having to use tape.”

I flexed every muscle in my body.  I used my teeth to still my tongue.  I pressed my knees against the edges of my desk, and wrapped my fist around the telephone so tightly that it creased my cord permanently.

I said, “Yes. I know what labels are.  I was just wondering if perhaps you could tell me about what information you’d like the labels to contain.”

I am still dumbfounded.  It’s like paper, she said.  But sticky on the back.