It seems like anything that we ever count, any time we ever monitor closely our intake or output of something, less is always better.

Are you counting how many dollars go out of your wallet every day?  Less is always better.  Are you monitoring the number of cigarettes you’re smoking in a day? Less is always better.

This mentality, this obsession with zero that I have learned throughout my life, has carried itself over into my health.  In the last week I’ve become totally enthralled with The Daily Plate, a website that makes calorie tracking (dare I say it?) kind of fun.  I’ve been tracking my food intake during the day, trying to help myself get a better grip on what my average daily caloric intake is, and where the calories are coming from.

The only problem is that I feel like every single thing that I eat is wrong.  Like, morally and emotionally wrong.  Every single thing (ahem, barring my finger) that goes into my mouth, then into the calorie tracker, gives me the same feeling of dread that I used to get when I would knowingly spend the last dollars in my bank account.  Even though The Daily Plate assures me that HEY! YOU SHOULD BE EATING 1557 CALORIES TODAY! I can’t help but shake the feeling that, yes, while I could eat 1557 calories today, wouldn’t it be so much better if I just ate 50?  I’m no fool; I watch The Biggest Loser.  Calories in, Calories out, right?  RIGHT?

But I know the right answers.  I know that if I don’t eat enough my body will go into starvation mode.  I know that not eating doesn’t do me any good.  And moreover than that, I don’t want to not eat.  I looove eating.  It’s easily one of my favorite past times.  How does anyone ever shake this feeling, though?  I hate spending every day of my life feeling like food is the enemy, I hate feeling shamed when I enter my brown rice and grilled chicken into my calorie tracker.  I’m doing everything right!  Why do I still feel guilty?