While walking around Wal-Mart tonight, I found myself compulsively talking to more strangers than usual. I bantered with a lady over the contents of hot dogs. I knuckle-bumped Charley the Greeter when he directed me towards the dog food. I discussed wine and cheese options with the teenage boy at the deli.
I’m not sure why I do these things. It just rises up out of me occasionally. I can’t control it.
And usually, I really do try. Zack isn’t exactly 100% on-board with this chatting-with-strangers habit of mine. He’s more inclined to keep his head down, stay focused, and complete the task at hand. No matter what the task at hand is. Especially if it’s as simple a task as locating a 40 pound bag of dog food. In Zack’s world, a trip to the grocery store in no way necessitates human-to-human interactions.
After a solid half-dozen so-called Stranger Danger moments, I started to feel Zack’s glare settle upon my shoulders each time I got within shouting distance of another person. The lady in the deodorant section would catch my attention; I would start to shout out things like, “MAN! HOW MANY KINDS OF DEODORANT DOES A GIRL REALLY NEED TO CHOOSE FROM?” Then I would feel a burning stare. The stare would plead for me to please, please, for the love of God and all that is holy, just get some of the Secret Unscented Gel like you always get and put it in the basket and let’s get out of here before… OH GOD. STOP DOING OLD SPICE GUY IMPRESSIONS. I WILL LEAVE YOU HERE, I SWEAR IT.”
It was a long walk home, but it was totally worth it. That lady really appreciated my Old Spice Guy commercial reenactments. I’m sure of it.