I had an awesome day. I started my first IV in a patient today. I was in the endoscopy lab during clinicals and I got to see the digestive tract from the inside. From the INSIDE. I wore gloves and did important things. I was glowing.
Then I came home, and realized that I broke the 120 barrier on the scale for the first time since 2007. OH SEVEN. And that was mid-day, post-lunch and with a lot of water in me. Magical.
So why do you sense a heavy ‘but’ hanging in the air?
Because there is one. The ‘but’ that is ruining my day is called Online Research Class and FML, I hate it with the very core of my being. As if reading and thinking about Research on a Friday night wasn’t bad enough in itself, I am talking about Research. In threaded discussions. Threaded effing discussions. I am writing about Research in forced threaded discussions online on a Friday night and I hate it. I am trying SO hard to not let the Research situation ruin the glow of breaking past 120 and staring my first IV (perfectly!). But I am not winning. Research is winning and it is sucking my soul out of my nostrils. Slowly. And with a brute force. Which leaves me to believe that Soul Sucking Research must removing my life-force by way of a coffee straw.
I thought I was done complaining, but I’m not. So I’ll whine down here and then remind myself to tag this post as POSTS TO REMOVE BEFORE I TRY TO GET A JOB. I put it in caps like that so maybe I’ll actually remember to do it.
Here’s other things that are making me crazy about Research.
#1.) the professor gave us a whole, comprehensive list of due-dates. All the discussions, she said, are due on these dates. That’s all you need to know to ace this class. Then on Saturday, exactly 8 days before the first discussion due date, she sent us all emails saying, (and I’m paraphrasing here,) UM, YOU GUYS ONLY HAVE UNTIL MIDNIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT TO DO THIS DISCUSSION, SO HANDLE THAT OR DIE. Which is annoying, right, since that’s not at all the date she said to start with? Yeah. I thought so too.
#2.) Speaking of RULES. She said that in order to get full credit, we needed to make a posting and comment on someone else’s posting in our group. Groups have 5 people in them. So I wrote my post, then commented on another person’s post, and happily wiped my “Research Discussion Question” entry off of my master dry-erase to-do list. Then, the next morning, it came to light that in order to get FULL CREDIT (omfg) on the discussion, we needed to comment on EVERYONE in our group’s posting. So I had to put it BACK on my to-do list, and good lord, that really pissed me right the hell off. Because, jesus, is it that hard to just TELL ME CORRECT INFORMATION THE FIRST TIME?
#3.) all of this is infinitely more annoying due to the fact that she considers herself a discussion/online class goddess and is constantly talking about how awesome she is making this experience for us, and don’t we owe her big time for her awesomeness?
No. We do not owe you. Anything but a good tar-and-feathering.
#4.) Because she thinks she’s awesome, she comments on everyone’s postings, too. So here you have a group of 60 students who are all supposed to be happily discussing this bullshit research online, right? And we are. Until we totally run out of things to say because a.) we don’t know what we’re talking about, so we’re kind of grasping at straws here anyway, and b.) the VERY FEW straws that we could have grasped at were stolen from us by the hyperactive professor who is commenting 4 and 5 paragraphs of thoughts on each person’s post! I could have thought about each person’s post for DAYS and not come up with 4 paragraphs of thoughts about them. So why does she think that she can vomit out 5 paragraphs and then AFTER THAT still expect us to come up with something interesting or new to say?
You know what that’s like? That’s like telling kids in a Spanish 1 class to have a conversation with each other. Then hovering over them, making sure that they do. And when they’re a little shy off the gun, running through the whole “hey, how you doing, how old are you, what’s your grandma’s name, when is your birthday?” scenario for BOTH OF THE STUDENTS and then being like, THERE. TAKE IT FROM THERE. DISCUSS ROMAN LITERATURE IN SPANISH, ASSHOLES.
And you’re like, say what? You just said every single fucking thing that I even almost know how to say in Spanish, thus leaving me with NO CHOICE but to SIT HERE LIKE AN IDIOT and say UUUUUUHHHH, IT’S HOT IN HERE? I HAVE A BROTHER?
RAWWWWR.
I hate Research.
I am so so sorry.
I had one of those spanish professors. Which is why I never learned anything. And is also why I now need therapy.
mmmk. that was a stretch, the therapy bit.
I’m telling ya…SOMEONE has a two-fer-one therapy discount.
Blogging rule number 263: When a comment is longer then the blog, that blog should not count as a blog.
Are you concerned at all that a professor who is sooo into posting might also be into looking at any blogs that have key words in them like “nursing school”? She is probably reading your blog daily and pushing your buttons just to see what you write! Good luck with finding a zen attitude about anything at school. I don’t think I could handle it, but I have faith that you can!
You’d think I would be, right? But no. The rage, it is far too strong to care. Aside from the expletives and the tone, I would say all of these things to her. And, in fact, I plan to. I promise I’ll say it all in a much, much nicer way.
Ok, your group needs to band together against the enemy. You should all 5 meet at a library or something before making your posts. Here’s how the library meeting should go:
1.) Person A types their post, letting everyone read it.
2.) Everyone else makes ready their response.
3.) Person A hits Submit.
4.) The rest of you post your replies IMMEDIATELY, thus giving “Online Class Goddess” no time to comment before you do.
5.) High fives all around the table.
6.) Repeat steps 1-5 until each person has their post in, and you have all your comments done.
7.) Go out for tacos and margaritas.
8.) More high fives.
9.) Repeat steps 7-8 as needed until sanity is achieved.