Before I get too far on this post, you should all know something real quick: Zack did the dishes today. Because he loves me and wants me to be happy. And because I blogged about our dishes. He says it was mostly the love thing. I say it was probably 50/50.
In other news, I have officially become concerned about the amount of food that I am (not) eating. For the majority of this week, I’ve consumed about 300 calories a day. And while those calories are good, well-rounded, whole-grain kinds of calories, in no way do I believe that 300 calories is enough. It’s not. It’s not even almost enough. It’s about 1/5th of enough, in fact.
My appetite has vanished into thin air. The last time I remember feeling this way was the while I was in college (the first time). This fact leads me to believe that perhaps I am the kind of person who doesn’t eat when they are experiencing stress. And this week? Has kind of been a doozy.
The trick is, I’m really loving running right now. I’ve been feeling good and picking up the pace. I’ve been running even though I’m not actively training for anything. I’ve been using exercise as a good, healthy way to deal with the stress of having more to read than is humanly possible. But it’s really, really hard to run 3 or 4 miles a day when you’re only eating 300 calories. I did it for a few days. But yesterday, it all finally caught up with me. I set out for a therapeutic 3-miler, and instead, I ran about half a mile and felt like my body was shutting down. Side stitches, burning legs, lead feet, the whole bit. My body rejected running. The same way it’s been rejecting food all week long. The reality of what not eating does to the body set in yesterday in a very real way. I have to eat. I have to. I want to, I swear. It’s just that everything sounds gross. My classic favorite meals have lost all appeal. Zack even offered to take me to get sushi tonight! Sushi! And still, nothing. Not a saliva gland one stood up at attention at the offer of raw fish. And that, my friends, is weird.
It’s easier to drink your calories than it is to eat them. So I found every bit of fruit in the fridge, tossed it in the blender with some yogurt, and voila. A smoothie. And when push comes to shove, and you’re not interested in your food for nutritional reasons, by all means, add some blackberries to your plan. They might not make you any hungrier, but at least they’ll make your smoothie match your scrubs.