I got all the way to the fourth question on the test today before I realized that I’d stopped breathing after question #1. When I realized I had been holding my breath I took my pulse. 160s. 160s and I was sitting as still as a statue.

This leads me to believe that I may or may not have been having a fight-or-flight response to my test this morning. If that building’s elevator’s mirrored wall could talk, it would tell you that I was as white as a sheet as it carried me to the 4th floor of the testing center. I’ve never seen lips as white as mine were this morning.

I rested my head on my arms and made myself take 10 deep breaths. I wanted to quit at 3 and then again at 5, but I stayed down for the whole 10. I counted my pulse again and it had slowed down to the 120s. I lifted my head, a little dizzy from the hyperoxygenation, but considerably clearer.

I got all the way through the rest of the test without holding my breath again. That has to be a good sign. I finished the test having taken the minimum number of questions. In the NCLEX world, that means you either REALLY passed or REALLY failed. You never walk out of the NCLEX feeling like you REALLY passed, but I can say that I don’t feel like I REALLY failed. Proceed with cautious optimism. I’ll get my test results on Friday.