We caught Cruz sleeping like this today:
Unfortunately, we didn’t catch it on film. So I had to reenact it for you.
Just thought you’d want to see that. It was pretty funny.
For Your Viewing Pleasure
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Operation Dinner Out
Yes, I’m making an allusion to the movie Spy Game. No, this post won’t be nearly as interesting, mostly because I’ve not the penchant for creating grandiose schemes intertwined with international espionage.
At any rate, I took the Mrs. to a fantastic steak house tonight, a certain Pappas Bros. in Dallas. This is the type of place where you save and save and save and go on a really special occasion. I only wish we could have afforded to actually stay and eat instead of merely enjoying a glass of water, then promptly leaving and returning home.
Sarah went to bed early, saying something about being “sad” and “hungry.” She’s funny that way.
Really though, Pappas Bros. was excellent. Fortunately, we were the beneficiaries of a gift card that helped alleviate the expense. I only had to sell one of my kidneys to pay for the rest. It’s a good thing I have another.
- zack -
Long Winded
When asked recently what Sarah appreciates about me, she replied only by making the following wind sound:
It immediately conjured images in my mind of the barren tundra/salt flats. Utter nothingness. Now I’m depressed, too.*
She later clarified that she simply meant I was even-keeled. I’m all better.
*Lest any of you think I’m making fun of Sarah’s emotional state, this post was her idea. I know some of you haters gotta hate, but cut a guy some slack.
Lies My Wife Tells: On Sleeping and Text Messages
The following is an actual text message conversation between the Mrs and me. It occurred recently when I was out and about at a late hour, and she was not.
Me: You awake?
Sarah: Still jaw with here.
Me: ?
Sarah: Jawing with nothing in the nurses.
At this point in time, I made the decision to call her, because despite the obvious disconnect in that I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, her response did in fact verify that yes, she was awake.
Me: Hey, now that I know you’re awake, is everything okay? And what does ‘Still jaw with here’ mean?
Sarah: You know, jawing.
Me: No, I don’t know! Where are you?
Sarah: At the hospital.
Me: At the hospital? Why are you there? Is something wrong?
Sarah: It’s today at the hospital.
Me (becoming more concerned): What happened? What hospital are you at?
Sarah: I’m not there now.
Me: Okay, where are you now? Why were you at the hospital? And are you on medication or something?
Sarah: I’m safe. I’m at your family’s house.
Me: And you weren’t at the hospital?
Sarah: No.
Me: Are you drunk?
Sarah: Yes.
Me: Okay. I’ll let you sleep it off. I love you.
Since then I’ve done my best to figure out what sort of texting auto-predict malfunction occurred during our strange conversation, but for the life of me I cannot decipher what she was trying to say. Ultimately though, despite her protests to the contrary, she wanted to say ‘jawing.’ Once is a mistake, twice is intentional.
In the words of a former president, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…..don’t get fooled again.”
Thank you George W. Thank you Sarah. God Bless America!
Post Script – Sarah claims to have been sleep-drunk. Sure, Sarah. Keep jawing on that one!
How MythBusters Saved Our Marriage
Sarah and I rarely argue. It’s one of the many awesome things about our relationship. When we do argue however, it usually involves something like moving furniture, assembling furniture, and/or the laws of physics/gravity/thermodynamics.
I don’t even remember the origins of this particular argument, but somehow or another I began talking about the greatness of Knight Rider. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Knight Rider is the be-all-end-all of 80′s action television, (that honor belongs to the A-Team,) but who can deny the beauty of a black Pontiac Trans Am with a nifty red light bobbing back and forth on the front end?!
At any rate, we began discussing whether or not it was physically possible to drive a car up onto a semi-trailer while in motion on the freeway. While I won’t divulge the specific nature of the arguments for or against, let’s just say I was adamant in my belief that it was possible, that KITT roaring up onto the trailer was not just some 80′s television special effect. Sarah doubted my belief (along with my taste in action television).
We argued the physics of it to no avail and for many months could not speak of it without the underlying tension rearing its ugly head. What were we to do short of actually locating a semi-truck and persuading its swarthy driver to let us send our modest sedan careening toward it at high speeds? The debate remained unsettled.
I remained a believer, Sarah the apostate.
Last night I located this clip provided by the miracle men of MythBusters:
Thank you MythBusters. You saved my marriage.
- zack -
For the Record
For the record, the Cheap Toilet Paper Experiment was a GREAT idea. It’s not my fault the female gender is weak.
For the record, I really was donkey kicked out of the bed. It was slightly less disturbing than the time Sarah woke me by means of palming my face like a basketball.
For the record, my intrigue into water beds does not entail having a full glass of water dumped onto me as I sleep.
For the record, Sarah really is The Rock, and she threw the summer term of nursing school right out of the ring just like a professional wrestler, which coincidently is her second favorite sport, immediately after Nascar. *
(*I use the term ‘sport’ very loosely in reference to either pro wrestling and/or Nascar.)
