All of my friends are Action Jacksons.

Well, I said that I was hoping that my post yesterday would get the ball rolling, and boy did I ever get what I was asking for.

I have a lot of people in my life who love me and care about me. What’s more is the people who care about me are real go-getter types–the kind that like to DO things about stuff. So when they ask me what they can DO to help me, and I say, “I don’t know. Why? Did you have anything in mind?” They are like, “UH, yeah. Here’s the plan. Let’s get started.”

So that’s how I wound up talking to a psychiatrist today. I didn’t have any intention of talking to a psychiatrist today. I was going to wait until we got settled into the new house, and then I was going to go to see a counselor. Instead, the go-getters in my life saw to it that I got the help that I need–the help that I’ve needed for months now. They saw to it by literally walking me to help’s front door and dropping me off.

Today wasn’t the worst day I’ve had recently. In fact, it wasn’t even a particularly bad day at all. That made for funny conversations with the doctors and nurses doing my initial psych evaluations. Usually people are at the bottom of their proverbial barrels before they finally go in to an office to see a doctor; I know that’s been my pattern at least. So when the nurse asked me to rate today on a scale of 1-10, I was like, “Uh, well, today’s actually been alright. But these last few months have been pretty rough. So, you mind if I give you a range?”

I’m feeling thankful today. Thankful for a husband, family, friends, and co-workers who care about me. Thankful for the go-getters who surround me, and help me when I don’t have the energy to help myself.

Visiting Camp

Zack and I loaded up the car with our friends and a mound of outdoor gear for a weekend getaway. We hiked and played all day. Now, I’m re-discovering muscles that I had long forgotten about. And it feels so good.

The Fishbowl Game

PREPWORK.
1. Get together with a bunch of friends. Any number will do. The more, the better. Divide said bunch of friends into two teams.
2. Get a bunch of blank pieces of paper. 3×5 cards ripped in half work nicely.
3. Distribute a number of blank papers to each person playing the game. Anywhere between 5 and 7 papers per player is a good number.
4. Have each player write a different “clue” (noun) on each piece of paper. Examples of nouns I’ve seen played: Tuba, Crabs, Ron Swanson, Michael Jackson, 4th Degree Laceration, Pi (3.14).
5. Fold all of the papers in half, and throw them into a large bowl. Mix’em up real good.

GAMETIME.
ROUND ONE: CATCH PHRASE
Set a timer for 1 minute. Each player has one minute to “Catch Phrase” as many of the clues/nouns as he/she can. After his/her one minute is up, a player from the other team takes a turn. Continue alternating teams until all of the clues from the bowl are used. Each team scores 1 point for each correctly guessed clue. (Note: In each round, when the last clue is answered, have the player yell “TIME!” so the timer can be stopped. That player will begin the next round, and will use only the time remaining. So, for example, if they used 30 seconds to finish the Catch Phrase round, they will have 30 seconds to play the first turn of Round #2).
Examples: (Clue: Crabs) “This is an STD! And also, SEAFOOD!”

ROUND TWO: CHARADES
Put all of the clues back into the bowl*. (*Using the same words again creates a ‘word bank’ which helps make the next three rounds possible.) Set a timer for 1 minute. Each player has one minute to silently act out as many clues as he/she can. Classic charades rules apply. No noise allowed. Continue to alternate turns between teams until all the clues are gone. Each team scores 1 point for each correctly guessed clue.

ROUND THREE: ONE WORD
Put all of the clues back into the bowl. Set a timer for 1 minute. Each player has one minute to elicit as many correct guesses as he/she can from his/her teammates by saying ONLY ONE word. Any “uh”s or “um”s count as the one word, and the players team must just guess by recalling as many of the words in the wordbank as they can. No gesturing of any kind allowed. Just the one word.
Examples: STD! (crabs); MUSTACHE! (Ron Swanson); BRASS! (Tuba); THRILLER! (Michael Jackson)

ROUND FOUR: SOUND EFFECTS
Put all of the clues back into the bowl. Set a timer for 1 minute. Each player has one minute to elicit as many correct guesses as he/she can from his/her teammates by only making noises. No words allowed. This round is undoubtedly the most difficult, because the OTHER rule for this round is that all of the player’s teammates have to close their eyes, so that they can’t see any gestures that the player is making. If the player is smart, he/she will not make any gestures, because the other team will most certainly be watching, and they will have an advantage if you get stuck on a noise that your teammates can’t figure out because they can’t see you riding your imaginary bucking bronco. (But, just so you know, not gesturing at all during this round? That’s almost impossible.)
Examples: Scampering noise (CRABS!); Tuba sound (TUBA!); Humming Thriller (MICHAEL JACKSON!) Humming Africa* by Todo (SARAH HOOD! [A girl on the ski trip who's about to move to Africa])

The team with the most number of correctly guessed clues at the end of Round 4 wins.

Y’all. Go play this game. Then come back, and tell me how much you loved it. It’s pretty outrageously fun. It should be noted, by the way, that I recommend using double entendres for all your nouns, (BUSH!), because that’s just how I roll. It makes the sound effect part way, way more fun.

*That was my brilliant move, by the way. Not an easy clue, but they toooootally got it. Booyah.

Pictures of Colorado Are Pretty.

One good thing about going to Colorado with a photographer is that you can be super lazy, and still get your grubby mitts on some awesome photos. This year Zack and I have taken our annual pilgrimage to Pagosa Springs/Wolf Creek, and our friends Aimee and Brady have invited a whole gaggle of their friends, too. Among those friends is Paul, of Paul Go Images. Paul is handy with the steel, if you know what I mean. He earns his keep.

Okay, Warren G lyrics aside, Paul’s pictures are fantastic. I’m going to bust out the ol’ camera tomorrow, but for now, y’all can feast your eyes on his handiwork. Cause I’m feasting my eyes on a bottle of Cabernet Sauvingnon and my hot, hot husband. So, uh, see you later. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

On Meeting Needs

I spent most of yesterday and today in Austin with Katy. I was worried as I drove down there that I wouldn’t have the right words to comfort her. I can’t even imagine what I would want to hear if I lost one of my siblings. I tried to imagine it, just so I could be more sensitive to Katy’s needs, but I couldn’t. It’s a dark, dark place.

But I needn’t have worried. Some people have the gift of saying the right thing at the right time. Though I have an occasional glimmer of eloquence, it’s not my long suit. My long suit is cleaning. Doing the dishes and organizing closets. What Katy needed from me wasn’t words. She told me that as soon as she heard I was coming, she felt relieved because she knew that I would clean. She said that’s what she needed, so that’s what I did.

We took breaks to spend time with the other family and friends who have gathered around her to hold her up as she begins to walk through the grief that comes when you lose someone that you love. We laughed about Jordan stories while sorted through laundry piles. Then we cried in a restaurant as we ate our burgers. We mourned our collective loss as we sifted through a old pile of family pictures of an impossibly cute little boy.

But I never felt like I didn’t have the right thing to say. I didn’t have to say anything at all, really. I just had to be there, be with her, helping her with the things that she needed. Even if the thing that she needed was for me to scrub her dishes.

When All Else Fails

When all else fails. When you feel so sad you don’t know what to do with yourself. When everything makes you tired and all you want to do is sleep, call your friends. Light a fire in their fire pit. Bring a old bottle of port. And laugh like you will never laugh again. Soak up the community. Live life, for it is far, far too short.

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Scenes From Life: Fuzzy Memory

[Setting: Zack, Sarah, and Michael are at the dining room table, eating.]

Michael: Sometimes your mom calls me Eeyore. What’s that about?
Sarah: I’d guess it’s because of the time that you were Eeyore in that Christmas parade with us.
Michael: I have no memory of such an event.
Sarah: Seriously?
Michael: What parade?
Sarah: The Christmas parade! We went to it when my mom was still working for the city as a party planner? And she was in charge of the parade?! You were Eeyore, and I was Tigger!
Michael: I’ve got nothing.
Sarah: I have pictures. I can prove it. Let me go find my photo album.
Michael: You mean you have, like, PRINTED pictures of this?
Sarah: Yeah. It was a long time ago, back when we printed pictures.
<Sarah goes to find the photo album, returns with the photo of the event, pictured below.>

Sarah: Nevermind. That wasn’t you. That was Betsy. And I was Eeyore, apparently. And she wasn’t Tigger, she was Pooh.
Michael: Razor sharp memory, there, Sarah.
Sarah: Shut up.
Michael: But seriously, I think I tried on that Eeyore costume once. Maybe that’s why your mom calls me that.

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I found out this morning that my best friend’s little brother, Jordan, died unexpectedly last night. Please, send all your love and prayers to the Blakeney family.

I love you, Blakeney family. My heart is breaking with yours.

(Pictured, L to R: Corrie, Katy, Tyler and Jordan — the four Blakeney siblings.)

Disjointed Thoughts on Christmas

I purposefully dropped some shredded cheese on the floor while I was making myself nachos for dinner tonight. I only did it because of the way the cat came running, literally, into the kitchen after he heard me pull the bag of cheese outta the fridge and crack it open. It’s not often that I see a cat get up and run towards something. (Unless that something is a bird flailing around, ready to be killed. When that’s the case, the cat always runs.) I figure that kind of feline enthusiasm should be rewarded with dairy products.
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When I got home from work yesterday, Zack had a Christmas mix playing over the stereo system in the living room. (The same one he posted for all of you to listen to.) He had made me dinner — the kind of dinner that required him to use a cook book and follow a recipe! There were steaks and fancy soups and salads involved, and it was all quite delicious. He cracked open an outrageously good bottle of wine, and the two of us had a very special Christmas Eve, despite my wretched holiday work schedule. After we were done eating, we watched the Charlie Brown Christmas Special, which I had never seen before. (Did you know that was originally released in the 1960s?!) I am so lucky to have a husband who cares about me like Zack does. He even said, “I’ve already blogged for you!” This man, y’all, he totally gets me.
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Today was crazy on the Unit. There were a lot of sick and hurt people out in the world today. My co-workers say that Christmas is usually a slow day to work, but that was not the case today. Today was generally insane. My day, however, was pretty calm. I was in a nice little groove, and I was on top of all of my work all day long. I found myself with extra time. I was able to help out my co-workers as they got admit after admit. I even got to jump in as a part of a massive code blue. I had a good day. My first really, really good day.

The bosses on the unit are, unfortunately, not known for their positive reinforcement. Usually, the only time you hear from the supervisors is when you’ve done something wrong. But today one of my bosses told me that I was doing a good job — better than average, even, she said.
I know that I make a daily habit out of putting my feelings into words here on the blog, but there is just no way I can express how good it made me feel when she told me that I was doing good work. I really, really, really needed to hear that today.
Because, every day at work is different. I never know what to expect from one shift to the next. Even if I have the same patients two days in a row, there is no guarantee that my second day will be anything like the first. So, just because I had one good day today doesn’t mean that I know everything. It doesn’t mean that I’m the greatest–anymore than having a bad day means that I’m the worst. All of the seasoned nurses that I’ve talked to said that nursing, at least at first, is very cyclical. For a while, they tell me, I will feel like I’ve got everything all under control. I’ll get into a groove. I’ll feel good. And then, one day, the shit will hit the fan, and I’ll (once again) feel like I don’t know anything. And I’ll learn from that experience. And I’ll grow. And I’ll be a better nurse for it. And then, eventually, I’ll feel like I have it all under control again.
The nurse who told me about the cycles said that she experiences these cycles in about 6 month intervals. So far, my experience has been that I cycle through the “I got this” and the “NO I DO NOT GOT THIS” feelings about 3 or 4 times each shift. Today, I lasted the whole 12 hours in the “I got this” cycle, so I’m chalking that up as a win.
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Merry Christmas, Y’all.