“You know what I was thinking? If Mary Tyler Moore married and then divorced Steven Tyler, and married and then divorced Michael Moore, then got into a three-way lesbian marriage with Demi Moore and Mandy Moore, would she go by the name Mary Tyler Moore Tyler Moore Moore Moore?” – Max, Happy Endings
I don’t have a poop story for today. That, my friends, is something to be thankful for.
Also, be thankful for river otters. Because they are mighty cute.
Friend: His name is Britto. Like, if you added an ‘a’ to it, you’d spell ‘burrito’!
Sarah: B-A-R-I-T-T-O is how you spell BURRITO?
Friend: Oh, man. There’s no ‘a’ in burrito, huh? I guess ‘m just spelling it how I say it. Bah-ritto! Bah-RITTO!!
I thought Zack’s eyes were going to pop out of his head when he realized that Home Depot had set up a Try Before You Buy area inside the store, complete with dozens of power tools and a lot of wood that was ready to be destroyed. Zack is not the super tool-obsessed type, but he is a man, and men love power tools.
Incidentally, I love power tools, too. I’m pretty handy with a drill gun, and I’m no stranger to the table saw. I, too, was excited that Home Depot was encouraging me to drill holes in stuff. Drilling holes in stuff is, like, the best.
Soon after I wielded my first tool, Zack and I were approached by a man who had been watching us bounce around the table like two giddy toddlers on Christmas morning. He said that he just had to come over and say how crazy it was that I had not only picked up one of the power tools, but that I had actually USED IT, TOO. His wife would NEVER do that, he said.
It took everything within me not to let out a big ol’ Tim the Toolman Taylor grunt. Instead, I just smiled and laughed as I continued to cut holes into random pieces of wood. Looking back, though, I totally should have grunted at him. Totally.
I am an adult. I do adult things. I come home from my job after putting in a long 12+ hours. I pour myself a glass of wine. I watch shows like Parenthood that focus on adult-type family-centric problems. I am an adult. Like, a real one.
But sometimes while I’m watching my adult Parenthood-esque shows, I put some chicken nuggets and steak fries into the oven, and then I eat way too many of them for dinner, because, you know what? Sometimes you just need to eat chicken nuggets for dinner, ya heard?
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This song was on last night’s episode of Parenthood, and I kind of love it. On the episode she, Sierra Noble, was the only one singing, and I was a fan of that. The guy she’s singing with is okay, but she’s pretty great. My friends who lean towards the country side of things will appreciate it, for sure. Sarah1, that’s lookin’ at you.
Zack and I decided to give up on our crazy Black Friday lark when we saw that the line to get into Best Buy at midnight extended all the way around the back of the building. Well beyond the back of the building, in fact. There were a lot of people there. Thousands of people.
We have wanted a new TV for years now, and somehow we decided that this night was going to be the best night to buy one. We were fooling ourselves. The internet is the best place to buy one. In fact, the internet is kind of the best place to buy almost everything.
After we gave up our Best Buy Black Friday mission, Zack suggested that we go check out what was happening at Garden Ridge, which is right next door to Best Buy. “Seriously?” I asked, “Garden Ridge?” Zack defended himself by insisting that they have chimineas there, and that was the reason he wanted to go. I laughed at him and refused. Plus, I told him, I was pretty sure it wasn’t open.
As we drove past Garden Ridge on the way out, it became obvious that the store was, indeed, closed. I told Zack I was super glad we didn’t go check it out just to make sure, because I didn’t want to be the only person yanking on the locked doors of Garden Ridge while in the same parking lot as thousands of other people waiting to get into Best Buy.
“They’re all waiting to buy big items like TVs and computers,” I said, “and we’d be down there yanking on the doors, screaming, ‘LET US IN! I MUST CREATE A SILK FLORAL ARRANGEMENT!’”
So, is it just me, or has Parks and Rec been totally killing it this season?! Seriously. I’ve always watched the show because I felt like I had to — I watched every other one of NBC’s Thursday Night shows, so I had to watch Parks and Rec, too, right? I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s in a contract somewhere. But this season, that show has consistently made me laugh more than any other show I watch.
And, y’all, I watch a lot of shows.
In other news, Community is awesome. It’s always been awesome. (I mean, it has Donald Glover is on it, and Donald Glover is just beyond.) I was sad, though, that they kept having shows where they were all fighting with each other. I mind-communicated with the writers of Community and told them that they need to have more shows where the gang works together and the characters don’t fight with each other, because those types of episodes make me way happier. So this week, they had a show where the gang didn’t fight. You’re welcome, general public. The writers of Community are clearly tuned into my mind’s wavelength, and that is clearly benefiting society as a whole.
I love it when a plan comes together.
This might be my favorite internet video of all time.
You know what’s silly? The fact that rice cakes have a serving size of one rice cake. The cylindrical bag comes with two separate vacuum-sealed containers, each containing 7 rice cakes. That’s 14 cakes. The bag says that there are 14 servings per container. The bag is a liar. In all of my years of eating White Cheddar Quaker Rice Cakes, I have never-not-once opened a package of 7 and not eaten every last one of them.
WHO EATS ONE RICE CAKE AT A TIME?
These bags should list the number of servings per container as 2. That’s much more realistic.
