I slept for a solid 7 hours last night at Matt and Sarah1′s house after the party. Then, after Zack and I packed up our stuff & came home, I slept from 11:30 am to 7:30 pm. I might have been a wee bit exhausted.
Sarah1 and I wondered yesterday if I was going to have some kind of a post-nursing school crash. Now that the NCLEX and the stresses of school are behind me, I don’t have anything pressing to worry about. On good days, I think that leaving nursing school behind is going to be good for my mental health. After all, I didn’t have to start taking meds for my depression until after nursing school started, right? So surely now that it’s over, I’ll be better? Maybe? On bad days, I fear that leaving school behind will be bad for me. It sounds a bit counter-intuitive, but having that one, big, overwhelming thing in my life that I had to focus on all of the time kept me from thinking about much of anything else. No matter what I was doing, I always had a running list in my head of things that I needed to be doing. I lived by my calendar, and living by a calendar has its benefits. I didn’t have a lot of down time to ponder my life or my feelings or the status of my mental health. Distraction isn’t the same as healing, but it does wonders in terms of restoring functionality.
I’m hoping that today isn’t an indication of the future. I’m hoping that the fact that I slept for 8 hours in the middle of the afternoon is some kind of a fluke, and mostly the result of having thrown Zack a huge birthday party 3 days after I took the biggest test of my life. I’m going to believe that is the case. I’m going to get some positive juju going for myself and believe that moving on from school is going to be good for me. And if I decide that my positive juju isn’t going to be strong enough to ensure this post-graduation time period to be funk-free, I’ll change the plan. Instead, I’ll just focus on the simple fact that once I start working, it’s going to feel just like I’m back in school again for (at least) a little while. The biggest difference is that this time, I’ll be wearing the same color scrubs as everyone else.